Reality used to be a friend of mine.

I have a passion for looking at them slightly dodgy self portraits that girls take with their camera phones and post on Facebook and alike. You know the ones, in their undies, or less, pouting away pretending to be Jordan, Lady Gaga, whoever, whatever. I find them curiously funny and sad at the same time. Don’t be fooled into thinking these girls are interested in becoming models. If you were to offer a proper photo shoot to the real lookers amongst them they would run a mile, but alone in their bedrooms they can imagine a world full of handsome young bucks checking them out. Unfortunately the horrific truth is the intended audience is laughing at them and ugly old men, who don’t exist in their dreams, are jacking off to them.

ADULTS ONLY

Meaty beaty big and bouncy.

Do you like girls with big tits? I much prefer skinny long legged creatures for no other reason than they are easier to photograph. It’s true you know, the camera really does make you look fatter. That curvy chick in the low cut top you failed to pull in the pub last Friday night would, in all probability, look like a beast of the field in them dodgy camera phone snapshots you were hoping to take. Believe me it was a blessing in disguise that she wasn’t drunk enough to swallow your “I’m a pro fashion photographer and you would make a fabulous model” bullshit and told you to fuck off. Here are examples to demonstrate what I’m talking about. To keep these four handsome bouncy boobed young ladies from looking like tubs of lard I had to use every ounce of my finely tuned camera technique. Christ, I even took the camera out of automatic mode! These assignments are not for the feint hearted. No, stay with the size 6 stick insects because you can’t fail to get decent shots of them in whatever distasteful poses you talk them into doing.

ADULTS ONLY

Coventry City FC.

With the Sky Blues being the closest decent football club, I use that term very loosely, I like to take more than a passing interest in their performances. With all their considerable failings you really do get a season full of drama and excitement. Before Christmas there is the fight to avoid promotion, followed by the inevitable post Christmas fight to avoid relegation. There can’t be many clubs in the mid table mediocrity that give such value for money.

ADULTS ONLY