And now for something completely different.

Alternative model? What the fuck does it mean. I hate the term. Models with a few tattoos and piercings are forever using the alternative pigeonhole. Look around you, girls in the UK without a tattoo or piercing are as rare as rocking horse shit. Surely we should be calling models who haven’t mutilated themselves alternative.

ADULTS ONLY

Meaty beaty big and bouncy.

Do you like girls with big tits? I much prefer skinny long legged creatures for no other reason than they are easier to photograph. It’s true you know, the camera really does make you look fatter. That curvy chick in the low cut top you failed to pull in the pub last Friday night would, in all probability, look like a beast of the field in them dodgy camera phone snapshots you were hoping to take. Believe me it was a blessing in disguise that she wasn’t drunk enough to swallow your “I’m a pro fashion photographer and you would make a fabulous model” bullshit and told you to fuck off. Here are examples to demonstrate what I’m talking about. To keep these four handsome bouncy boobed young ladies from looking like tubs of lard I had to use every ounce of my finely tuned camera technique. Christ, I even took the camera out of automatic mode! These assignments are not for the feint hearted. No, stay with the size 6 stick insects because you can’t fail to get decent shots of them in whatever distasteful poses you talk them into doing.

ADULTS ONLY

Hardcore camera pornography.

I’ve spent the afternoon at Focus on Imaging at the NEC in Birmingham. I’m not really an equipment freak, I don’t have the latest and greatest, I will use a camera for many years until it fails or gets so obsolete I’m forced to retire it. Two bits of sexy hardware attracted my attention. The Fujifilm X100 compact camera and the Sony NEX-VG10E video camera.
The X100 looks like a proper old fashion compact camera, and has got proper controls too. It feels well made and I’m pretty sure I could take a decent glamour snap or two with it despite the fixed slightly wide angle lens. The rub? It costs just under £1000 and does it look impressive enough to convince nubile young ladies into removing their knickers? Ummm, I’m not sure. Huge manly zoom lenses on a SLR work better methinks.
The Sony video camera also impressed me. Again expensive, I’ve seen it priced between £1600 and £1900, but I’m in obsolescence territory with my present tape eating video camera. The VG10E, compared to my present camcorder, is lighter and the controls look simpler but I see a couple of major drawbacks. It ‘s low light performance isn’t as good, and the increasing number of hard drives I’m going to need to back the data up.